29 wks

I'm here, settled at a friends house in Houston. I'm thankful for them. Opening up their home and ultimately their life to me. They are such pure, gracious, God-loving people. The Lord has provided for me in so many ways. Since leaving my children, He has journeyed with me here. Sounds cliche but it's true. It's hard to explain. I don't pray as often as I should nor do I look to Him or seek Him like should. Seek! That's it! He has sought me out and is walking with me, every step! He knows I'm weary and heavy burdened. He knows my heart is so full of worldly emotions, those of which the bible tells us to cast on Him. But I can't shake the sadness, the worry, the depression of my condition, the emotionally draining, ever present loneliness that I feel without my children and now my husband. The Lord knows this! He's walking with me, carrying my yoke, helping me to carry my burdens, my cross. I'm so thankful I have my blog to share my thoughts so that I can make sense of my thoughts.

My appt Monday was pretty emotional. I think it hit me that, this is it! I'm having a baby in 5 weeks. In the beginning I have sensed something was wrong. Then 12-13 wk u/s confirmation of an anterior placenta was another brick in the pathway to confusion and uncertainty. By then I was bracing myself for accreta. 19wks was when accreta was mentioned, many bricks were placed in pathway to uncertainty. I just knew researching, dr. appts and phone calls were equivalent to taking one step at a time. Which has lead me here, in the palm of my Lord's hand. Broken, physically and emotionally and with nothing more to offer Him but me. And He loves me abundantly just the way I am! 

So the techical stuff. I had 6 vials of blood taken on Monday, glucose tolerance test, CBC, iron and blood for a match and screen. The match and screen is where they match...and screen my blood to blood banks around the area. The emergency plans are in place, the 'special words' are written down in case I or my friend has to call in case of an emergency. If I end up at a hospital close by, I have the plans and words to say to them as well and they will get me stable and quickly transported to the women's pavilion. 

I was told that Dr Belfort and Dr Fox have already had a meeting about my case and plans are in place. They will meet again before my surgery. 

This appt was emotional because there was more talk about the baby. Maybe because Dr Fox said I'll be under general from start to finish and Amy (the nurse practitioner) seemed to think I may be awake to quickly see/hear my baby. Seems normal right. Nothing about an accreta surgery is standard or normal. It's about saving moms life, period. All the baby, mushy love words and pics come last. I'm thankful I've prepared and researched enough for this to not come as a shock. So I'm preparing for general from start to finish. If I am awake at first it will be at the discretion of the anesthesiologist.  

I'm thankful I have one of the best teams in the world working on me. It has allowed me to be at peace with my decision in coming here despite how painful it has been being away from my children. 

My bags are packed and at the ready :)

Yesterday I was sporting my Hope for Accreta Foundation sweater :)

And to put into perspective how tiny our little one will be...