The last leg of the journey to TX. I'm trying to parent from a car 1800 miles away. It's not easy. My kids are being so good for my mom. I'm blessed to have such a selfless mother who is willing to jump on a plane (she's terrified too!) and take on my home and 7 children, all by herself. She's my hero :) .
People have asked me how they can help me, did I need anything. The answer is yes! I had a sweet friend come today to give my mom a massage, she gave my mother something I couldn't. A time out. Some peaceful, relaxing 'her' time. Time to be pampered, she deserves it. Y'all can do what I can't, help my family. A card in the mail. A picture drawn by a child to one of my children letting them know, they are special, they are thought about and prayed for. A meal made with love and attention, specifically for my children. A meal gift card to get them out of the house and distracted from this burden for a while. Donated toys, my children are not kids who have it all. My philosophy is we have 4 acres, a ball and trampoline. But the sadness of missing mommy it's so hard to have fun with 'the same ol things'. My whole family is going through this tough transition. We all feel the effects. When you remove mom from the home, from her children, there will be tears and struggles. Easy to be sad, they don't fully understand. Although they know I wouldn't be doing this if it wasn't for them. So that I can, hopefully, receive the best care and return to them.
Through the years my children have endured so much joy and heart ache with my pregnancies, 12 all together. They cried when we lost our babies. They stared in wonder as I explained to them that the baby I was carrying wasn't daddy and I's but another family's baby. That I was only carrying them for a short while until The Lord placed them in their parents arms. They have been through my c sections, the tears and depression that came along with those and the joy of watching their siblings first smiles, first steps, first words and those precious hugs and slimy kisses that only siblings can appreciate.
My children are natural born helpers, selfless little humans who are always wanting to help. So when they can't help mommy they feel powerless and weak. We pray often, several times a day. They rely on His strength to get them through but just like us adults it's sometimes hard to be patient, to surrender, to give Him our troubles. I'm a perfect example ;) .
I think I have finally surrendered. I have nothing left. All my strength has been sapped through travel day I, day II and now day III. This is so much bigger than me. I realize I must step out of the way.
My appt with the Baylor maternal fetal specialists is tomorrow morning at 9 and 10:20. I'm nervous. I have no expectations, something I've learned since having accreta, but I will be looking for that silver lining that suggests can I go home rather than spend 2-3 months away from my kids. I will say, it won't take much but not sure my husband will buy into my ploy ;)
Father,
Thank you for my children. Thank you for a womb that not only supplied life to my own children but 2 precious boys who bring joy to their families daily. Thank you for our Angels who were only with us for a short time, who are now waiting at Your side until we get to meet them one day. Thank you for Your unfailing love for all Your children. I pray that You will supply my families needs. Bring people and children into their lives that let them know they are not forgotten. That You are there with them, always. Thank you for Your plan for me. As frightening and scary as it is, I thank you for this experience. I pray that I can be an example of Your Light, although my feelings and emotions are raw, not sugar coated with distractions or fake smiles, but true and real. I thank you for allowing me to be who You created me to be and loving me through my flesh. Whether You call me home or have an abundance of work for me here on earth, I am ready and my treasure in both places are abundant and I thank You.
In Jesus name,
Amen
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